Why You Need to Travel Somewhere, Anywhere NOW

NC Blue Ridge Parkway, May 25, 2015

 

You Need to Travel Now

And here is the first-hand experience as to why.

As most people know about me now, I am single. Ever since I have been single, I have been able to spend precious, much-needed, quality time with my loving parents and I am ever so grateful. I realize more with the passing days and even years that I will not have them forever. Therefore, now is the perfect time to be able to live life with them for as long as I can. That is exactly what I did with them this past weekend when my immediate family and I went to the beautiful NC mountains. I had never been to the NC mountains before, and the trip truly moved me. I was able to enjoy so many different aspects of the mountains, from the beautiful Biltmore Estate in Asheville to seeing Mt. Mitchell while driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway, but especially enjoy the quality time that I spent with my mom and dad. It even brought them a bit closer and I know that even though my relationship with them can be a bit strained at times, moments like these are treasured and can bring people closer than ever before. 

Seriously though, go travel. NOW! You will not regret it; you will only regret not going and not having some of the best times of your life. It does not matter who goes, how many people go with you, or if you simply go by yourself, but just go. NOW! Before you think about it too much. You never know what will happen or how these experiences could change you. Do it! Yes, I am totally peer pressuring you because you need it. Also, you need and deserve a break. Heck, I know I certainly did and I honestly wish I could go back and do it all over again because that is how amazing it truly was. Of course I experienced some downs during the trip, but those low points brought my family closer together and we were able to enjoy everything that much more afterward. Sometimes family vacations can get stressful and we can test each other until the wrong buttons are pushed, but it can result in effective team-building skills, like ours did. Like I said, you never know, so now is the time to find out and explore and go on your next big adventure, no matter how small it actually might be. You could even try a staycation if you are strapped on cash, or create a budget to prevent being the ultimate exploited tourist. Either way, you have got to travel. Go now, before it is too late!

Anyway, let me tell you about my trip to the NC Mountains:

  

DAY 1

•  My parents and I took off in the late morning and traveled for over four hours to the glorious mountain city of Asheville, NC. We reached our hotel around 4 p.m. and I had already been freaking out about the mountains that seemed to be surrounding me everywhere I looked. I took a thousand pictures like I always do, and of course I will include one below to illustrate exactly how excited I was. The following day my parents and I would tour the famous Biltmore Estate for what would be their second time and my first. Needless to say, I was tired, but overwhelmed with how gorgeous the landscape in front of me truly was. Oh, and did I mentioned I was overly excited? Our night was fairly relaxed after that, as we were unpacking and lounged at the pool for a bit. The hotel was nice and accommodating too!

Ramada Hotel, Asheville, NC

DAY 2

• I woke up at 6 a.m. for this adventure and oh my goodness it was worth it. After a wrong turn and some superb navigational skills via yours truly, my parents and I arrived at the Biltmore Estate around 8:45 a.m. Breathtaking, flabbergasted, astonished. None of these terms do my reaction to "America's largest home" any justice because what a site that property was to see! The sheer size was outstanding enough, but the attention to detail, the craftsmanship, and the finesse of it all was incredible and unbelievable. Nothing on that property was left unkempt and every piece of the house's original items has been well preserved and kept beautiful. It is hard to believe that people genuinely lived like that in early 20th century America, for they even had indoor bathrooms and an indoor, heated swimming pool. Whaaaaaat? Too cool, I know. Even better was the exhibit they had with the house, in addition to all the other remarkable things to see; they featured clothing replicas seen in the clever TV show Downton Abbey and were put on display in each of the house's many extravagant rooms. After we toured the house, my dad and I explored the estate's garden areas, though we were not able to explore them all because we would never have had enough time to explore them all. We got lost for a bit, but eventually wound up at a gorgeous waterfall on the property. After avoiding what appeared to me to be a potential rattlesnake under a spot of leaves on a woodland trail, my dad and I made it back to house. We met up with my mom and then we all drove to the Winery so my parents could participate in the complimentary wine taste testing that was included in our tickets. They enjoyed themselves and it was after this that our day at Biltmore came to a close. Finally, I ended the day with a Jacuzzi bath and Kung Fu Panda. I am telling you, this is the life!

Biltmore Estate, Asheville, NC

DAY 3

• It was check-out day that day. We started our day early enough and got our complimentary breakfast before we headed out. This day was completely unplanned until that morning and sometimes it is what you do not plan that makes a good trip, great. First, my family and I traveled from Asheville to Chimney Rock, NC. Chimney Rock is a tourist trap for sure, but it was totally worth it for my family and I. We took many pictures, checked out the local shops there, bought drinks and specialty popcorn, but what originally drew us to this gorgeous town was something we found off of one of the brochures at the hotel in which we stayed. Yes, we went gem mining below a gem shop! We were all able to be little kids again and I was able to find a huge piece of an amethyst geode, which just happens to be my birthstone. Score! Afterward, we explored a river near the gem mining area. Everywhere we looked we saw nature in all its glory. 
• The day was not over yet though, so we made a unanimous decision to drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway for a while. Before reaching the parkway, however, we stopped at an older couple's house to take pictures with Sam: the "Original Carolina Hilbilly." Yes, I met a genuine, authentic mountain hillbilly y'all!! Back on track now, we had no clue that what we thought would be an hour or two drive would turn into the most amazing experience I have ever had up to that date.We first found the visitor center and found a worker that explained to us a route to get back to the highway we needed to reach in order to get home. We could have taken the interstate to get back home originally, but we wanted the scenic route. Gosh were we unprepared. While driving, we saw mountain after mountain; winding after winding of the roads we traveled, and each time I was more mesmerized than that last. The crisp mountain air rushed against me as the winds steadily picked up the higher the elevations got. It felt as if the very air was piercing my insides with an intensity that flooded my mind and body in the most unusual, yet cleansing way. Every time I stepped out of the car to take pictures of each new valley, lane, glen, falls, and mountain, each sight deeply touched me and I was filled with so many different emotions. Happy, overwhelmed, awestruck. I was at peace and could not believe my eyes. God knew what He was doing. That is one thing I know for sure. Nature has a way of speaking to us, but we just have to listen. I have never almost been brought to tears by nature before, but I felt something at that moment when I saw the picture below that I cannot effectively explain. Awesome does not even begin to describe this experience. 
• After an hour into driving, we reached the area we were aiming for to get back to the highway, but we first stopped at Mt. Mitchell. Elevation: 6,684 ft. We were in a cloud at that point! After reaching Mt. Mitchell, we were all exhausted, so then it was time to eat at the restaurant there. The BEST homemade tuna salad sandwich I have ever had, by the way. Unfortunately, time was running out at that point, so we had to leave the mountains and find our way back to some sort of civilization. After many terrifying twists and turns of the roads to get us back down the mountains, we reached a highway and got home around 2 a.m. the next morning. Needless to say, we all got an amazing night's sleep. Now I just cannot wait to go back and explore it all over again.

Chimney Rock, NC

This is the place in which I truly felt God's presence. This sight, part of the Blue Ridge Parkway, touched me like nothing else in this world has ever done before. I was almost brought to tears by this breathtaking view. Never will I ever forget this small, yet life-changing adventure that I was lucky enough to share with the two people that mean the absolute world to me. 

I never knew what to expect before this trip happened. I honestly was not overly excited about traveling like I was when I was smaller, had a bigger imagination, and loved to go places with my parents. I got comfortable in my monotonous, small town life over the years. Ever since I have gone to college and lived in a whole new place without my parents as a safety net, my eyes have opened and I want to go places and learn everything I can with the time I am given. That is why I am so grateful for my parents and everything that they have done for me. Spending time with them like this has been so wonderful and I am using this precious time with them wisely. I am living. I am doing what I can to fulfill a great desire I have. I want to explore the world. If I cannot wholly do so until later in my life, exploring my home state will more than suffice for now. But the important thing is, I am not just talking about it... I am doing it. 

So now, it is your turn. 

Your chance to do some different.

Your life to live now.

Your adventure awaits.

Use your time wisely, for life is too short.

Go wherever, whenever. 

But please, just GO!

Ladies, Please Don't Let a Boy Define Who You Are

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Girls, Run Your Own Worlds 

(Guys, Do This Too For Your Own Sake)

This ex-boyfriend of mine has been pressing on my mind a lot lately. Mostly because I genuinely just want my stuff back and literally have no way of contacting him. Not the point really, but it has been hanging over my head since last December. I have also been thinking about what I put up with for almost 2 and a half years and I am infuriated with myself because of it. 

Let me first begin by saying to every single person out there that you, yes YOU, do NOT deserve to be treated with anything other than the utmost respect, kindness, and decency that a person can offer. I do not care about your past, what you have done, and what you are not willing to tell your grandma out of shame and embarrassment. You are a human being and are allowed to do whatever you want, whenever you want. No other person in this world can stop you, regardless of anything! NEVER FORGET THIS! Especially when you are in a relationship..

Yes, I lost myself and I was not true to myself in my last relationship that consumed most of my high school life and tore up the beautiful relationships I had with my dear parents. I lost many friends very dear to me and did not even think twice about it during the time. He completely destroyed my very self toward the end of our relationship and I let him. I let another human being dictate practically every aspect of my life. 

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Our relationship was extremely toxic. Looking back on it, these are some significant warning signs to be aware of in a relationship:

1. CONTROLLING
2. MANIPULATIVE
3. JEALOUS
4. AUTHORITATIVE
5. OBSESSIVE
6. POSSESSIVE
7. VERBALLY ABUSIVE

I'm divulging a lot of my past because I am incredibly passionate about prevention and catching the red flags early -- before it hurts and the feelings get too deep, like they did for me. Please take care of yourself first and foremost. Of course I cared for my ex-boyfriend and I will always care for him though. Some aspects of our relationship were wonderful and I do not regret any of them. The good memories have stayed and are cherished, but as Sheryl Crow eloquently puts it: "the first cut is the deepest." I will always remember one of the very first instances of his destructive behavior and yes, it still hurts and affects me. Our relationship has altered my mindset extensively because I am very jaded about relationships and even dating now. It is hard for me to accept people and trust them any more. This day and age with social media and dating apps has certainly not helped either, but I am currently just desiring friends and family. They truly are what I have at the end of the day. They are my forever, unlike the forever promised by your apparently perfect, flawless SO. 

Please don't get me wrong, I do believe in love. I see it between my grandparents, my freshmen year college roommate and her boyfriend, my cousin and her husband, and my best friends who are currently dating. It is out there, but I simply do not have any interest in finding it any time soon. I need to find me again and not be defined by who I am in a relationship with and if I am even in a relationship. I want people to see me and get to know me, not know me based on my relationship and how I act with my SO. I deserve to love myself again and figure out how to function on my own. I am about to exit the era of being a teenager, so this is the perfect time for it. I am proud of myself for finally doing what I knew I needed to do and that was to get out of a toxic relationship. If I can do it, so can you, yes YOU, if you feel you must. Thrive, don't just survive!

I can promise you that you are only surviving if you are experiencing anything like these examples below. These are not exhaustive, nor typical. I understood my ex's viewpoint when these instances occurred, but that still does not justify anything. Also, I simply want to share my own experiences with those who potentially feel trapped or helpless and want to stop the pain that they may be enduring.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF ABOVE WARNING SIGNS

• CONTROLLING

This was the worst of them all. I was not allowed to talk to my guy friends because my ex believed that they wanted to have sex with me and I was clearly cheating on him when what's-his-face said hello to me. I was not allowed to wear revealing clothing (dresses, yoga pants, shorts) in public without him because he did not want others to look at me longingly. I was not allowed to wear revealing clothing in school because, to paraphrase, I would look desirable to horny guys. I was not allowed to talk to his younger brother because I might cheat on him. I had to constantly text him and snap him pictures of me to let him know where I was and that I was not with any guys. He even tried to control my thoughts, brainwash me into believing everything he did, and told me all of my opinions were wrong. Ultimately, his insecurities were pushed onto me and he treated me very poorly.

• MANIPULATIVE

This part hurt the worst. He used my emotions and feelings towards him to manipulate me and guilt trip me into doing things I really did not want to do. Also, he frequently mentioned that he would kill himself if I ever left him, or if he ever lost me. He knew I cared about him enough to know that I did not want that to happen to him, and I certainly did not want to be the reason he did. It was very unfair of him and not even close to being healthy.

• JEALOUS

This is similar to his controlling tendencies actually. He was constantly jealous of the time I spent with friends, family, and even my cat (R.I.P.), though those moments were far too short looking back. His jealousy of the male friends I had at the beginning of the relationship forced me to lose them and lose contact with them. I was forced to delete my Facebook as a result and was not allowed to have the Instagram account I so very much desired. If anybody liked my pictures or even commented, it was I that got chewed out for it. Jealousy is no joke. He obviously did not trust me and a healthy relationship is built on trust.

• AUTHORITATIVE

This was to a lesser extent, but still very serious. He constantly told me what to do, how to do it, and why my way was wrong. He even sometimes pushed me in various situations to do what he called prevent me from running into somebody or protect me. Like I said, this was more rare, but he certainly wanted to be the superior being in the relationship. I was made to feel inferior constantly, for my opinion or idea never mattered.

• OBSESSIVE

This was actually a bit terrifying, especially at the end. Every aspect of his life revolved around me and he made me feel as though I was the only reason he was living. He constantly had to talk to me and constantly called me when I was busy doing homework, my job, or just hanging out with family. He stopped talking to his friends and relied solely on me. After our breakup, he used every method of communication to contact me because I had my phone turned off for a while. My parents found out about our breakup via him, before I could even tell them. Needless to say, I was unhealthily his reason for being for a long time.

• POSSESSIVE

This hurt. A lot. I felt like his property practically all the time. I was "his girl" and he used the term "mine" a lot. He felt threatened when he thought that my friends were taking away from his time with me. He wanted to hang out with me all the time. He constantly "missed me" and told me so up to multiple times a day. If I did not want to hang out or couldn't, he would get very angry with me and accuse me of things I did not do and was not doing. He did not even want me to hang out with his family at all because it took away from our time together. This was also the case with my participation in Varsity cheerleading and clubs in high school. This greatly affected my family, as they were quite concerned about the excessive amounts of time I was hanging out with him. He wanted me all to himself and nobody else could have me ever, not even me apparently. 

• VERBALLY ABUSIVE 

This was just incredibly unacceptable. The vulgar terms he has used to describe me for whatever reason are as follows: "f**king b**ch," "b**ch," "c**t," "whore," "slut," "crazy b**ch," "f**ker," etc. He cursed at me, not necessarily calling me names here, a lot as well. He threatened me by saying he would break-up with me if I did not do whatever he asked. He sometimes even called me these disgusting names while I was at school, in front of my friends and peers. Yelling was frequent. I was torn down with his words and I truly believed them for a while. I became very depressed as a result too and I was psychologically wrecked. Verbal abuse is never okay, even when one is joking around. People, especially loved ones, need to stop bullying people and destroying them like this.


I am still mad at myself for letting these things happen because I knew then and I most definitely know now that I did not deserve any of that. All I am asking is for you to be aware, be proactive, and be careful. You know what you need to do and what is best for you. Just do not let love blind you. And remember, girls do run the world, but don't let anybody, especially your SO, run your world. Do what makes you happy. Life is precious and you deserve everything and more it can offer. Independence is never a bad thing either.

So always remember...

"You have what it takes to be a victorious, independent, fearless woman." -- Tyra Banks 

One Book that I Always Come Back to in Times of Need: The Cupcake Queen by Heather Hepler

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The Cupcake Queen

by Heather Hepler

Heather Hepler's The Cupcake Queen is a young adult/children's book that centers around the main protagonist, Penny Lane, and describes her life in the obscure small town of Hog's Hollow following her parents' separation. Although the book's audience is directed to kids much younger than I am (Penny Lane is fourteen years old, whereas I am about to finish my teenage years), I always catch myself rereading it whenever my world appears to be crumbling around me. I have just recently finished my first year of college and have returned home for the summer, but things feel different and I am not going to pretend here when I say that living in a hostile household is depressing, kills my motivation, and hurts. A lot. Moreover, Hepler sneaks in quite helpful, sage advice whenever she sees fit in her narratives for this character, and I am only now able to appreciate them for what they really are. Penny's "thoughts" are indeed Hepler's way of reaching out to those who may in fact share in Penny's problems. I have only recently reread the first three chapters of this heartwarming book, but have come across two quotes that have hit home very deeply. 

"For a long time I would hear them arguing when I was supposed to be sleeping. They'd fight about everything--my school, who left crumbs in the butter, whose turn it was to take Oscar to the vet. That was bad. But it was worse when they stopped. It was like as long as they were arguing, they cared. Once they stopped it seemed like everything stopped." -- Penny Lane

 Boy, can I relate to Penny here. I am only going to be brief when I explain my own parents because I respect my privacy. My parents are my role models in what I do NOT want to find in a future relationship, much less an actual marriage. My "relationship goals" are based on the unconditional love and faith of my grandparents who have been married for over 58 years now. They just love to give me advice every time I visit them, and yes I eat every bit of it up. (I will more than likely devote a separate blog post to them at some point.) Anyway, Penny (Hepler) is quite right. When parents do fight, they care enough to want to work through things somehow, even if they can only articulate their thoughts via shouting, arguing, fighting, or angry, immature remarks. This stops when their ability to care has relinquished. I can empathize with Penny easily, as evidenced by my above rant.

"And I realized maybe that's all we can hope for from life: fine. Not happy, not good, but just fine." -- Penny Lane

 Ahhh, Penny. Wise beyond your years. I most certainly am still accepting the fact that this is so incredibly true. Regardless of one's ability to look on the bright side and see the glass half full, as the ever-present cliches state, life may really only be okay, fine, or decent. It would not be life if we did not face hardships and obstacles, but most people do have an innate desire to think that they can achieve happiness in life. I know I am one of those people and know the risks of being optimistic, but always opt for optimism when given the choice. My depression truly only sinks in when I let others affect me, thus negatively altering my once happy mindset. However, having a fine life and being fine is perfectly okay. The term fine may have negative connotations as a response to something going wrong in a relationship for example, but being fine, average, and just plain okay in life really is OK. I mean it. We are all exceptional, but sometimes all one's life can be is... fine.

I could honestly quote this entire book because I love it so darn much, but these two have resonated with me so much over the years. Accepting one's situation and oneself is the hardest thing a person can do in my opinion, but once you are on the journey to this acceptance, life really will not seem all that bad. Do not take life too seriously and enjoy it for all it is. It is hard to have these positive thoughts when your life appears to be in shambles, but in reality, is it really? That is exactly why I find myself always coming back to Heather Hepler's The Cupcake Queen. I need to be reminded that everything will truly be okay and work out in the end. One cannot grow without making mistakes and learning from them, so go make those mistakes! It is your life, your time. Right. Freakin'. Now. GO OUT AND LIVE!

I highly recommend this engaging, beautiful book to avid readers of ALL ages, for everyone has felt the desire at least once to be a kid again. If you do not feel that this applies to you, then you must be lying to yourself. Penny Lane is a character with whom I can easily relate. After every read, I feel a stronger connection with her, but with each new read, the relationship evolves, and I am now able to understand her from a more adult perspective. I am able to love this book further, even with the changes in how I perceive this writing. Hepler did a fantastic job with this book and I sincerely hope that people do read it. It is an easy, enjoyable, and lovely read. Do yourself a favor. You never know what it can do for you, like it did for me.